Shinobi News, Live At Five
by lunarxshinobi
Summary: The Naruto Ninja Host konoha's top news broadcast. Tune in for all the lastest news, fashion, gossip and fangirl reports. Crack fic
1. Chapter 1

**Shinobi News Live at Five**

-_that music that plays at the beginning of the 5 o'clock news is playing. There's a large blue-grey screen that shows the title 'Shinobi News Live at Five' in cool script. Naruto is sitting at a desk and tapping his foot. Sakura is operating the camera-_

Sakura: -offscreen- psst. Naruto. we've started. Naruto? Naruto? NARUTO.

Naruto: WHAT? oh, sorry. Eh hem, Welcome, to Shinbo News, Live at Five. i'm your anchorman, Naruto Uzumaki.

Sakura: dumbass.

Naruto: SHUT UP SAKURA. eh, eh hem, I mean, out top stories today are:

Kunai knives, Are they safe for your children?

Parvo Outbreak in the Inuzuka Compound,

and

the New Konoha Country central Libary.

Sakura: It's Library.

Naruto: That's what I said.

Sakura: NO YOU DIDN'T.

Naruto: whatever.

Sakura:...

Naruto: Let's go to our gossip anchor for the hotest, juciest news. Before we go to the really boring stuff.

Sakura: -sighs-

-_Screen shows Ino-_

Ino: Thank you Naruto! Anyway, Hi, My name is Ino Yamanaka, and I am the hot gossip news anchor! Much hotter than the fashion anchor.

Sakura: I HEARD THAT, INO PIG!-off camera-

Ino: ANYWAY, There's a rumor going around Konoha city right now, that Tsunade, yes, Lady Tsunade, the fifth hokage, the famous legendary medical master, one of the three senin, the legendary sucker, the

Sakura: GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!!!

Ino: Anywayyy. There's a rumor giong around that she -pauses for effect-

Shikamarou: -off camera- Just get it over with ino.

Ino: THAT SHE HAS AN OBSESSION WITH GREEN LEMON TEA!

Shikamarou:wtf.

Ino: what? That tea is gross.

Shikamarou:...that's pathetic.

Ino: WHAT? THERE WASN'T ANY GOOD NOT SASUKE-BASED GOSSIP!

Shikamarou: so the Sasuke-based gossip was good?

Ino: yes, but, wait, NO, um, BACK TO YOU NARUTO.

-_screen is back on Naruto-_

Naruto: I think that we need a new gossip anchor. One that will talk about Sasuke...

Sakura: HEY.

TenTen -off camera- OOOH, ME, ME, PICK ME!!!

Naruto: OKAY, TEN TEN IS THE NEW GOSSIP ANCHOR.

TenTen: HELL YEAH!

Naruto: Now, let's go to Neji for the Fangirl warning Reports.

-_The Screen shows the word 'fangirl' in big, bloody red letters, 'warning' in big yellow block letters, and 'report' in smaller white block letters all on a blue liney background. then the screen shows neji.-_

Neji: Thank you, Naruto. Well, the fangirls are on a rise, with Rock Lee fangirls at an all time high of 234324323423 members, and Sasuke Fangirls at the freakish tone of 234235245212499999. Somehow, the fangirls are using some bizarre technique to retrieve new members. More news later on how they're doing this. For now, let's look at the fangirls numbers at current time.

-_Screen flashes to a plain blue screen with yellow numbers. Neji's voice comes from offscreen while the words appear-_

Kiba and Akamarou Fangirls: 23435563,

Naruto Fangirls: 993823534321

Sasuke Fangirls: 234235245212499999

Lee Fangirls: 234324323423

Neji Fangirls 23562340

Gaara Fangirls: 9283945823572348

Shino Fangirls: 23425234523

Kakashi Fangirls:2342643268

Asuma Fangirls: 23563662

Itachi Fangirls: 46234634653652345234523452

Oro-fangirls: 234590

Choji Fangirls: 8.

_-screen returns to Neji-_

Neji: Woah. Choji actually has fangirls. I think I'll investigate this. There may be only eight of them, but why the heck do they like Choji? No one likes Choji. Not for his looks, not for his personality, not for his skills, nothing. nada. squat. Mabey they're his family members...

Choji: HEY.

Neji: eh hem, More reports later. Back to you, Naruto.

_-screen goes to Naruto-_

Naruto: AHHHH HOLY CRUD WHERE DID ALL THOSE FANGIRLS COME FROM?

Sakura: Internet pictures..-still off camera-

Naruto:... that's creepy.

Sakura: yep.

Naruto: That's sad though.

Sakura: what?

Naruto: Even the creepy pedofile-snake dude has more fangirls than Choji.

Sakura: no duh.

Naruto:... harsh.

Sakura: GET ON WITH IT.

Naruto:...Anywayz... Let's go to Shino for the weather.

Sakura: Shouldn't you talk about the main stories?

Naruto: Well, there's nothing to them.

Sakura: What?

Naruto: They were all discussed in the paper so I don't have to talk about them.

Sakura: ...

Naruto: once again, to Shino.

_-Screen shows a picture of the sky with 'Weather Report' written in pretty writing.-_

Shino: I'd like you to change the weather report thing sooner or later... .Anyway, we're going to be having sunny days all this week, so remember to wear sunscreen, and start wearing sunglasses like me. cause I'm cool. and i'm cool because my glasses are cool. and you all want to be cool, so you all want to be like me. so you have to wear sunglasses like me. so, yeah. bye.

_-Camera goes back to Naruto-_

Naruto:... wtf. um, okayyyyy... What next? No one was really clear on what we were doing...

Sakura: -still off camera- NARUTO, YOU WEREN'T SUPPOST TO STAY THAT!!!!

Naruto: What? but it's true! All anyone told me was 'You're news anchor, quick, sit down and sound offical'.

Sakura: Who told you that?

Naruto: Sai.

Sakura: ...

Naruto: Anywayyy. oh, hey, we have a teleprompter.

Sakura: OMG YOU DIDN'T KNOW THAT?

Naruto: NO. I wasn't paying attention. I was looking at the green spot in the center of your forehead.

Sakura: IT WAS INO WITH A MARKER OKAY? I DON'T HAVE A RARE FORM OF GREEN CHICKEN POX.

Naruto: who told you that?

Sakura: Sizune started freaking out.

Naruto: oooooooooooooooh. That explains a lot.

Sakura:...

Naruto: okay, soo. oooh. Let's go to Sakura for the fashion report.

Sakura: AHHH I'M NOT READY!!!

Naruto: WHAT? THEN, UM, RUN!

Sakura: HOLD THEM OFF TILL I'M READY!!!

Naruto: what? What could I do!

Sakura: I DON'T KNOW, SING OR SOMETHING!

Naruto:...sing? ummmmmmm. okayyyyyyyyyyyyy. -takes deep breath-

EVERYBODY HAS A WATER BUFFALO,

MINE IS FAST BUT YOURS IS SLOW,

WHERE WE GET THEM I DON'T KNOW,

BUT EVERYBODY HAS A WATER

BUFFALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

TOOK MY BUFFALO TO THE STORE

HE GOT HIS HEAD STUCK IN THE DOOR,

SPILLED SOME LIMA BEANS

ON THE FLOOR,

OH EVERYBODY HAS A WATER 

BUFFALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

OH EVERYBODY HAS A BABY KANGAROO, 

MINE IS PINK AND YOURS IS BLUE,

Sakura: I'M READY AND WTF ARE YOU SINGING?

Naruto: I dunno. some vegetales song.

Sakura: what's vegetales?

Naruto: I dunno.

_-Camera switches off Naruto and goes to Sakura sitting at her own desk with a fashion magazine on display on it and a screen to her right. She fixes her papers and smiles-_

Sakura: Hello Konoha. I'm Sakura Haruno, with your fashion. _-the screen shows a picture of someone's harm wearing a elbow-length fingerless fishnet glove-_ Fishnets seem to be in style now, with items ranging from gloves, to leggings to shirts. Although it's always done in moderation. If your going to wear fishnet leggings, don't wear fishnet gloves or a shirt or skirt or something. It'll look so wrong. Also, some people, just don't look good in fish-net. Bring someone along with you when you shop to verify this. Another thing is the different variations of fishnet. There's fishnet with big holes, and fishnet with teeny tiny holes If one doesn't look good on you, then another might. and that's the fashion news for today. Back to you Naruto, and don't sing that song again.

_-Camera is back on Naruto, who's sitting at his desk with a cup of ramen while trying to straighten out his papers and eat the ramen at the same time-_

Naruto: Fine, Fine, You're the one who told me to waste time though.

Sakura: what _-huff-_ ever. _-huff-_

Naruto: you okay?

Sakura: you try running around trying to get ready.

Naruto: I do. every day. successfully.

Sakura: whatever.

Naruto: annnnnnnnnyway. That was the news for today. Join us next time when there's some slim chance that we'll actually have our act together.

Sakura: NARUTO STOP TELLING PEOPLE THAT WE WEREN'T READY!!!!


	2. Episode 2

**Shinobi News Live at Five**

-_that music that plays at the beginning of the 5 o'clock news is playing. There's a large blue-grey screen that shows the title 'Shinobi News Live at Five' in cool script. Naruto is sitting at a desk and tapping his foot. Sakura is operating the camera-_

**Naruto:** Welcome, to another edition of Shinobi News, Live at Five. I'm your anchorman, Naruto Uzumaki. Today, we acutally have things in order. I think.

**Sakura:** NARUTO.

**Naruto:** ... uhhhh. Anyway, Today's top stories are:

Fangirls. Are you one?

Monkeys. What are they planning? Who do they work for?

Mushrooms. Are they fun to play with?

**Sakura:** Are _mushroom_s fun to play with? what kind of story is that?

**Naruto:** I don't write the script.

**Sakura:**...

**Naruto:** Anyway, Let's go to Neji, with the up to date Fangirl Report.

_-The 'Fangirl Report' thingy shows up.-_

**Neji:** Thank you Naruto, Welcome, to your daily fangirl report. Let's examine the fangirl activity charts. The Sasuke Fangirls, the Neji Fangirls, and the Kakashi Fangirls, all seem to be slowing down in their stalking practices. This may be connected to the fact that 97 of each of those fangirls is sick at home with a serious flu virus, that, if they weren't strapped down to the bed by their mothers, wouldn't stop them anyway. The Naruto, Gaara, and Kiba fangirls are starting to move, and it's believed that they're planing something. We suggest that Naruto, Gaara, and Kiba, all get into hiding as quickly as possible. Here are the fangirl numbers.

Naruto: 839284732856785

Sasuke: 839284732856783

Neji: 839284732856784

Gaara: 2324534253634

Kakashi: 2349782958129843

Itachi: 89348571234952

Kiba: 782348012

Itachi:234287519823742

Orochimarou:23498

Shikamarou:234987234

Shino:234298745893

Choji: 9

Back to you Naruto.

_-the main desk shows up again, minus Naruto-_

**Sakura:**... Naruto, stop fooling around and get up. Naruto?_- walks where the camera can see her and peeks behind the desk-_ OMG NARUTO IS MISSING. THE FANGIRLS GOT HIM!!! who will be the anchor?

**Sasuke:** I will. _-sits on Naruto's chair-_ Now we go to Tenten for gossip while Sakura looks for the dobe.

**Sakura:** Why do I have to look for him?

**Sasuke:** Because. I don't want to be here. go.

**Sakura:** _-sulks and leaves-_

_-the screen switches the TenTen-_

**TenTen:** Thank you, um Sasuke. Anyone, I heard that this one girl heard from this other girl that heard from this other girl that heard from this one person who heard from this other person, who heard from a third preson who heard from their neighbor who heard from their grocer who heard from a ninja who heard from a student who heard from his mom who heard from someone else that Sasuke has a skirt in his closet. A pink skirt. Actually, I heard that it was a really cute pink chanel number.

**Sasuke:**... Can you people leave my name out of this?

**TenTen:** no. not at all.

**Sasuke:**...

**TenTen:** Back to you. Sas-gay.

_-The Screen Returns to Sasuke-_

**Sasuke:**...

**Sakura:**.. I CAN'T FIND NARUTO

**Kakashi:** I found him. _-drops Naruto and the floor and then leaves.-_

**Naruto:** Fangirls. are. evil. personified.

**Sasuke:** ...

**Naruto:** To Shino. For the weather.

_-The Screen shows the 'Weather' Icon. -_

**Shino:** Tomorrow's weather will be slightly cloudy, but it will be hot. So wear cool clothes. or burn and die. I don't care. Back to Naruto.

_-Screen Changes back to Naruto-_

**Naruto:**... Where'd Sasuke go?

**Sakura:** I don't know.

**Naruto:** uh. to Sakura with fashion!

**Sakura:** STOP DOING THAT. STALL!...and don't sing again, that was annoying..

**Naruto:**... damn. That's all I had. umm. what would I do? ooh. ooh. ooh. i'll tell you a story that just happened!

okay, one day, today, i was sitting here at my desk and i had just called for neji's fangirl report and while neji was giving his fangirls this girl just randomly popped up next to me and i just stared at her for like, 2 minutes and she just stood there staring back and grinning and it was kinda freaky cause she didn't blink, not once, at all, so I scooted in my chair because my chair has rolly-wheels on it and then i bumped into something so i turned around and there was another fangirl there and she was just staring at me and grinning too so I was a little freaked out and then i scooted away from both of them and away from my desk and i bumped into something else so i turned around and there was a third girl just staring at me and grinning so now i was thoroughly freaked out and then i closed my eyes and then i opened them again and i was surrounded and i realized that they were fangirls and i tried to scream for help and then they ductaped my mouth and i was carried off by a herd of my fangirls and i was thoroughly freaked out and then they carried me to their headquarters but first they blindfolded me so that i wouldn't find the way back and then i was thrown into a room and i found myself surrounded by fangirls and i was afraid for my sanity but then the leader of my fanclub made the other fangirls put me back because apparently she's using me for a fanfic of hers right now and she didn't want sasuke to ruin her story. The end.

**Sakura:**...uh...ok...uh... I'm ready..

**Naruto:**... okay. Let's go to Sakura for fashion!

-_The screen changes to show Sakura's 'Fashion News' screen-_

**Sakura:** Eh hem, Thank you Naruto.. for that..um.. I have no idea what you said. Anyway, Today, on fashion, we discuss a super-hot look that's sweeping the ninja communities. It's the face mask. Worn right, it turns everyone great-looking. Anyway, Have a really bad pimple on your lower face? Well, a face mask that matches your outfit works great! If you want to have some sort of a print on your face mask, make sure that it matches the rest of your outfit. Some great combinations are a plain sheet grey top with dark grey pants and Dark grey shoes. and then have a dark grey masks with silver details on the mask. It will look so hot. Back to you Naruto.

-_The screen returns to Naruto's face-_

**Naruto:** Thank you for watching 'Shinobi News, Live at Five' . Join us tomorrow for the most up-to-date news. I'm Naruto Uzumaki, and good night..

Cool, we were actually kinda put together today... kinda.

**Sakura:** STOP INSINUATING THAT WE DON'T PREPARE CORRECTLY!!!!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Shinobi News Live at Five**

_-The Opening Screen and Music shows up. Naruto is sitting at the desk with a pile of papers, looking confused-_

**Sakura:** psssst. Naruto YOU'RE ON.

**Naruto:** uhhh. Sorry... I just went through what may or may not have been a vile swarm of puff balls and brushes.

**Sakura:**...

**Naruto:** They did my makeup today, which kind of freaked me out.

**Sakura:**...

**Naruto:** Anyway, Tonight's top stories are:

Do giant kunais have total advantage over regular ones?

Is the night sky a dark dark blue, or is it black?

Why did Hayate look like he was high?

All this and more on tonights edition of Shinobi News Live at Five.

**Sakura:** Hayate was sick.

**Naruto:** yeah but he looked high.

**Sakura:** Dude that's so wrong the dude's dead.

**Naruto:** I know. once again, i'm not the one who writes this stuff.

**Sakura:** Who does?

**Naruto:** Itachi.

**Sakura:** WTF How did a S-Class kill on site missing nin get a job in our nightly news?

**Naruto:** With a great resume.

**Sakura:** ... _(--)_

**Naruto:** Anyway, Neji's fangirls got him last night, so Kakashi stands in for today's fangirl report.

**Sakura:** Geeze Naruto you should so concerned.

_-The Fangirl Report Screen shows up along with horror movie music-_

**Kakashi:**... Don't bother Sakura. Anyway, No fangirls will be on the move today, due to the fact that two days from now is the great Fangirl Festival that happens yearly. The fangirls will gather in the city of the authoresses and partake in videos of whatever it is they're fangirls of, pictures, stories and more. They also try to use their powers of persusasion to convert other authoresses from nonfangirls to fangirls. This can mean BIG trouble for those of us who have fanclubs. Except Choji.

**Choji**: Hey.

**Kakashi:** Anyway, So, anyone who has a fanclub can relax for a week and a half ,because the festival lasts for 5 days, and it takes them a while to travel. Back to you Naruto.

_-The screen returns to Naruto-_

**Naruto:** Thank goodness.

**Sakura:**... OMG. THE FESTIVAL -runs-

**Naruto:** Oo?

**Kakashi:** She's still a sasufangirl.

**Naruto:** ahhhhhh... Wait. then who will do fashion?

**Kakashi:** Idk. Most girls are gone.

**Temari:**... I think I'm lost.

**Naruto:** Hey. a girl.

**Temari:**...good for you Naruto. and you are a...

**Kakashi:** no, we need a girl to do the fashion.

**Temari:** ... oh, so, because I'm a girl, I know about fashion?

**Kakashi & Naruto:** uhhhhhhhh...

**Temari**:... give me 5 bucks.

**Naruto:** -hands Temari 5 bucks-

**Temari:** coool. -goes to the fashion desk-

**Naruto:** Now to Temari with Fashion.

-_The Fashion Screen appears_-

**Temari:** Coool. Sakura has like, a giant wall of clothes, and shoes, and make up, and purses, and all sorts of lovely things... Okay. I don't know about Konoha fashion, but I do know about general fashion. First of all, what's in now, is like, so wide collars. If your collar is twice the circumference of your head, then it's awesome. Okay? It works for everyone. So, if you can't decide what to wear, you should so wear a wide collar.

I guess it's back to Naruto?

-_ The Screen Returns to Naruto_-

**Naruto:**... Sooo.


	4. Chapter 4

**SHINOBI NEWS. LIVE. AT. FIVE.**

_-The opening Music Turns on. Naruto is sitting behind the desk, adjusting his headband-_

**Naruto:** Welcome, viewers, to Shinobi News, Live at Five. I'm you're anchorman, Uzumaki Naruto.

**Kakashi**: Wow naruto. Very professional.

**Naruto:** Thank you. I felt being professional today.

**Kakashi:** Why?

**Naruto: **Sakura isn't here.

**Kakashi:**…..

**Naruto:** Our first story today, is rare look into the life of the much stalked emo, Uchiha Sasuke. We go to our field reporter, Inuzuka Kiba. Kiba?

-_Screen Turns to Show Kiba standing outside the Uchiha Compound-_

**Kiba: **Hello Naruto. Welcome, to the Uchiha Compound. Today, I, Inuzuka Kiba, will lead you through Sasuke's everyday life_. –Kiba starts walking into the compound, all the way to Sasuke's house. He opened the door and began sneaking through the house. And whispering-_ Okay, now, We find ourselves within the lions den. I'd like to say, that If I don't make it out alive, don't let Naruto near Hinata. Okay, we find the Uchiha in his natural habitat. At the current moment he's making tea… Let's watch.

**Sasuke:** -_feels someone watching and turns around_- What. The hell. Are you doing here.

**Kiba:** A news special on the secret life of Uchiha Sasuke.

**Sasuke:** Leave. Now.

**Kiba**: uhhh. Okay. _–leaves_-

-_Screen Shows an image with the words '2 hours later' written on it-_

**Kiba:** Okay, this morning went badly, but not that badly. We just got a death glare. Now we watch the Uchiha in his hunt, for food. He finds his targets at his regular stalking grounds, the Super Market. Now, nothing is really super about this market, not the prices, not the food, not the people who shop here. In reality, it should be the Ninja Market. Wait. That makes me think weapons. Why don't they just call it the Foods Market. That's what it is anyway. Oh, wait, I'm supposed to be stalking Sasuke. Er, I mean, reporting on him. Let us zoom in as we watch the predator circle his prey, marking everything that can't get away as a potential victim.

**Sasuke**: -in the grocery store looking at the tomatoes- ……. This one… mabey… yeah.. –picks one up, bags it, and puts it away, starts looking at the cucumbers- …! –turns around and sees Kiba- What the hell.

**Kiba:** I said we were leaving. I didn't say we weren't coming back.

**Sasuke:**…. Whatever. –picks a cucumber, bags it, and puts it in his basket. Walks to the apples and examines them-

**Kiba:** Okay, now let us watch the Uchiha, as he stalks around the super market, eyeing his targets, getting ready to pounce upon his unsuspecting pretty like the wild Uchiha that he is. Notice how he scans the victims, looking for the best product to energize his emo-y self while he sits in the corner slicing his skin and crying about how nobody likes him.

**Sasuke:** -turns and glares- What the hell.

**Kiba:** -blinks- what?

**Sasuke:**…. First, why are you calling it my 'prey', second, I don't cut, and third, I have a lot of fangirls thare are obsessed with me and fourth, who the hell makes you think you can call me emo?

**Kiba:** uh.. the aura of emo that exists around you and everything that pertains to you?

**Sasuke:** -cracks his knuckles-

**Kiba:** Uh oh.

**Sasuke:** -attacks-

-2 days l8r-

**Kiba:** -bandaged- Well, that…wasn't successful. I'm sorry to report that we lost 2 good camera men in that last encounter. Let's have a moment of silence for them. –two seconds later- And, that's over. Let's try one last time. –sneaks up on Sasuke- and here we have Uchiha Sasuke, working with some of his jutsu.

**Sasuke**: -smiles at Kiba- so, you're still doing this ridiculous news story?

**Kiba:** uhh. I don't like that smile.. uhh..S-Sasuke? Sasuke? Saasssuukkkeeee? R-r-r- RUN EVERYONE RUN!!

-_The tape cuts short_-

**Naruto:** and now everyone knows why Kiba is in the hospital.

**Kakashi:**…. Well. That was… interesting…

**Naruto:** Yeah, we're actually covering stories!

**Kakashi:** -sweatdrops- Yeah, we never really did that before…

**Naruto:** So.. what should we do now?

**Kaksahi:** I dunno…

**Naruto:** Let's go to Neji, with the fangirl report!

-_Screen Shows the Fangirl Report animation before showing Neji with his chart of doom_-

**Neji**: Thank you Naruto. Today's fangirl report Is rather frightening. There seems to be a massive influx of fangirls of all shapes and sizes. It's starting to seem like there is no end in sight to the common attractive male's fear of the fangirl. However, Choji is still safe.

**Choji:** Hey!

**Neji:** The Kakashi Fangirl's seem to be grouping near the hokage monument, If I was Kakashi, I would stay away from that area. Far. Away. Other than that, it seems the other fangir's activities are as mysterious as their leaders. Here are today's numbers.

-_A screen appears, and the numbers appear as Neji says them-_

Naruto Fangirls: 9289754129084389743

Sasuke Fangirls: 999923984712398712422

Neji Fangirls: 99982389472987323

Kiba Fangirls: 98230219300

Shikamarou Fangirls: 3323098129343

Shino Fangirls:? 9828392352

Lee Fangirls: 2389232

Gaara Fangirls: 2309842039482

Kakashi Fangirls:30982094832

Orochimarou Fangirls: 234

Choji Fangirls: 10..

-_The Screen Returns to Neji-_

**Neji:** Wow. Choji has a grand total of 2 more fangirls. Back to you Naruto.

-_The Screen Returns to Naruto_-

**Naruto:** And one day, Choji will have 12 fangirls!!

**Choji:** Oh, shut up you guys.

**Naruto:** And now onto our next segment, a Look into the world of the authoresses with our brave, potentially stupid, reporter Inuzuka Kiba. Hello Kiba. You just never learn, do you?

-_Screen Shows Kiba in front of a massive white building, with the entire front made of transparent glass panes.-_

**Kiba**: No. No I don't, apparently. That and they keep making Hinata give me the assignments.

**Naruto:** ah.

**Kiba:** Well, I'm here standing in front of one of the greatest buildings in all of authoressdom. The Word Hub Center.

**Naruto:** The World Hub Center?

**Kiba:** It seems that the authoresses get around using a system of portals that are connected to all worlds that you could possibly think of, and they come here to go to portals they don't buy off of ebay.

**Naruto:** They buy portals off of ebay?

**Kiba:** Yes, but portals are expensive and they take a lot of time to prepare, after all you need to make a drop site and stuff like that, so it's easier, cheaper, and more convienient to come down to the WHC and use their portals.. Unforunately, fangirls use them too, because they sell things like binoculars, nets, various char catching equipment both at the WHC itself and the portal centers that exist in our worlds.

**Naruto:** What's a portal center?

**Kiba:** It's a building they have disguised somewhere in our world… It could be anything from a little shop with a larger storage area to a mansion…

**Naruto:** Do they go the same place if they have a private portal?

**Kiba:** No. They usually have their own apartment or house somewhere where they stay, but as I said before, that's expensive and a hassel, and it takes way too long. Only the diehard addicts who are there daily, sometimes without leaving, do that.

**Naruto:** ah.

**Kiba:** Anyway, the authoresses use the portal systems to get here. If they need a place to stay, there's usually an authoress – run inn somewhere nearby.

**Naruto:** Kiba. I have another question.

**Kiba:** Yes Naruto?

**Naruto:** How did you get to the world of the authoresses anyway.

**Kiba:** I'd rather not talk about it.

**Naruto:** I understand. So.. How do you plan on getting back? You're bound to get jumped if you take one step into that building

**Kiba:** I'd rather not talk about that also.

**Naruto:** I understand.

**Kiba:** And that's all in this segement of 'A look into the world of the Authoresses'. Back to you, Naruto!

-_The Screen Returns to Naruto-_

**Naruto:** They're making him go back?

**Kakashi: **Yep.

**Naruto:** That's sick.

**Kakashi:** It is.

**Naruto:** Anyway, we're drawing close to the end of the show folks. I'll see you tomorrow. This was Shinobi News, Live. At. Five., with Uzumaki Naruto. And don't forget kids, Cannibalism is never good in the mornings.

**Kakashi**: so is it good in the afternoon?

**Naruto:** I dunno…

--Line Break--

_**Lunar:**__ Guess what story I got the line 'Cannibalism is never good in the mornings.' From and I'll put you in the next newscast somehow… Only one winner!_


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note

To my surprisingly loyal readers:

I'm sorry that I haven't updated since the second semester of my sophomore year. However, I will once again begin writing. I've been busy with homework and school and all of that fun stuff. But dangit, I WILL UPDATE ONCE AGAIN!


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